German second division team 1860 Munich began a trial Saturday placing Kansas City Wizard and US National Team forward Josh Wolff on charges alleging “he is forward.”
At a practice Monday, in their first public statements since the trial began, 1860 Munich representatives claimed they were “serious” about the charges
“Josh is very forward,” announced the Lion’s spokesman. “He shook my hand and gave me a big hug too! I mean come on! I don’t even know the guy for more than five seconds and he is hugging me.
Also bunch of websites list him as forward for the U.S. and his team in MLS — what are they called? The Lizards?” the spokesman continued.
“Also, we have US Soccer’s Our Way DVD. In the bonus clips Josh is shown giving Landon Donovan a back rub in the shower. In short, all the evidence suggests he’s forward.”
“Plus we like that Hungry Like a Wolf song,” added another team representative.
“Yes. That song rules,” said the spokesman.
Earlier this year, Derby County tried Wolff on similar charges eventually dropping the case because of his inability to drunkenly perform The Robot dance for a gaggle of ladies. The threshold for being forward in England is much higher and Wolff was deemed “a bit of ninny, isn’t he?”
Observers of the 1860 Munich trial note that even casual eye contact is considered forward in Germany. “Miroslav Klose is the best forward in Germany, and he won’t even shake your hand!” explained an 1860 assistant coach. “Wolff tried to tongue kiss me at practice yesterday — this guy is super forward!”
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